[I wrote this One-Act during my sophomore year at Lewis & Clark College in 2001. It was produced and performed on stage at Lewis & Clark College in 2002 and published in Pause in 2002].
THE KIT KAT CONSPIRACY
By: Kristen Forbes
The set looks like a hair salon, with props such as curling irons, hair dryers, etc. CARLA sits facing the audience as CLAUDIA stands behind her, working on her hair. URSULA sits to the side, flipping through a magazine. SOPHIA enters. CLAUDIA acknowledges her entrance with a nod.
SOPHIA
Uh, hi. Do you do walk-in appointments?
CLAUDIA gestures to CARLA.
CLAUDIA
Yeah, but it’s gonna be about fifteen minutes while I finish her.
SOPHIA
Okay.
SOPHIA takes a seat next to URSULA. URSULA looks up from her magazine.
URSULA
So, Claudia.
CLAUDIA answers with a comb in her mouth.
CLAUDIA
Hmm?
URSULA
Last night.
CLAUDIA takes the comb out of her mouth.
CLAUDIA
Last night?
URSULA
Mr. Business Executive?
CLAUDIA
Oh—yeah. That. It’s not going to work out.
URSULA
What? I thought you really liked him.
CLAUDIA
Uh, yeah. I did.
URSULA
Well, what happened?
CLAUDIA
It was…nothing. What about you, Carla? Anything new with you?
CARLA does not respond.
URSULA
Oh no, you can’t change the subject on us like that. What the hell happened?
CLAUDIA
Okay, fine. He never blinks.
URSULA
What?
SOPHIA
I was reading about that. It’s a medical condition, you know. I can’t remember what it’s called.
URSULA
What do you mean, he never blinks?
CLAUDIA
I mean really, he never blinks. I kept waiting for it. The entire night, I watched him. And he just kept staring at me, his eyes completely open. He’s looking at me all bug-eyed. Didn’t blink once the entire date.
URSULA
Are you serious?
CLAUDIA
Completely. And at first, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, I figured that he was blinking, but for some reason I just kept missing it. Like he was blinking at the exact same time as me or something. So then I started paying more attention to it, started trying to keep my own eyes open so I wouldn’t miss it. But it just never happened. It totally freaked me out.
SOPHIA
Maybe he was imitating you.
CLAUDIA
What?
SOPHIA
I mean, maybe he noticed that you were keeping your eyes open and he was just trying to keep up.
CLAUDIA
No, he definitely wasn’t blinking. And it was definitely freaky.
URSULA
So that’s that, huh? He doesn’t blink, he’s out?
CLAUDIA
Oh, don’t make me sound so heartless. You weren’t there. You don’t know how strange it was, watching this. And it’s like I became transfixed. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I just kept watching those eyes, those freaky unblinking eyes.
The story drops and CLAUDIA looks over at SOPHIA.
CLAUDIA
What’s your name?
SOPHIA
Me?
CLAUDIA
Yeah, what’s your name?
SOPHIA
Sophia.
CLAUDIA
Well, Sophia. I think it might be more than fifteen minutes. Come over here and take a look at this.
SOPHIA rises and joins CLAUDIA behind CARLA’S chair. CLAUDIA gestures toward CARLA’S head.
CLAUDIA
Do you see this uneven color?
SOPHIA
Uh, yeah.
CLAUDIA
Someone hasn’t been coming in regularly enough. And that someone’s got some pretty bad roots.
SOPHIA
Oh, so it’s going to take awhile to fix?
CLAUDIA
Honey, I’m good, but—this needs a major overhaul.
SOPHIA
That’s okay. I don’t mind waiting.
SOPHIA goes back to her seat.
URSULA
Where’s Molly? Can’t she do the walk-in?
CLAUDIA
She should be here any minute. She has a habit of taking extended lunch breaks. And by extended, I mean infinite. And by infinite, I mean don’t hold your breath.
URSULA
That’s Molly for you.
CLAUDIA
Ursula, did you want anything done today?
URSULA
Nah, I’m just here with Carla.
CLAUDIA
Thought you’d need a little moral support, huh?
CARLA
Something like that.
CLAUDIA
I’m not that bad, am I? I mean, there was that one time I talked you into getting that perm…
URSULA
Oh Claudia, that was hideous.
CLAUDIA
I know, I know. But it fit in with the times, didn’t it?
URSULA
Like Spandex and neon. And let’s not forget the time you gave her those red highlights and she looked like a poster girl for the Red Light District
CLAUDIA
All right, all right. So I’ve made a few mistakes. But I’ve come a long way, don’t you think?
URSULA
Yeah, you’re not so bad anymore.
CLAUDIA
Not so bad? Not so bad? I’m fantastic, aren’t I?
URSULA
I don’t know if I’d go that far…
URSULA trails off and goes back to reading her magazine. CLAUDIA looks down at CARLA.
CLAUDIA
Carla, are you all right? I don’t think you’ve said a work in the last fifteen minutes.
Long pause.
CARLA
What?
CLAUDIA
Are you okay?
CARLA
Oh, yeah, sorry. I’ve just been kind of distracted. I think I’m coming down with something.
CLAUDIA
I heard the flu is going around. Is it like that?
CARLA
I don’t know. It’s just…I don’t know.
SOPHIA
Maybe it’s stress?
CARLA
Maybe.
SOPHIA
Because I was reading the other day: The best cure for stress is four peppermint leaves—grind them up, heat them in a mixture of water and honey, add a few drops of vanilla extract, let everything cool, then pour it all into a jar.
URSULA
What do you do with the jar?
SOPHIA
You carry it around with you.
CLAUDIA
Is it like aromatherapy?
SOPHIA
No. If someone does something that’s really annoying, you’re supposed to throw it in their eyes. Apparently, the combination of ingredients has been proven to cause blindness.
CARLA
Wow.
URSULA
Wow.
CLAUDIA
That’s a little far-fetched for me. Not to mention somewhat evil.
SOPHIA
It’s just what I read.
Everyone goes back to her business—working on hair, reading magazines, staring into space, etc.
CLAUDIA
Carla, Carla, Carla. These roots are terrible. Why didn’t you come see me a few weeks ago?
CARLA
I was just busy, I guess.
CARLA looks at her watch.
CLAUDIA
Are you in a hurry? We could always reschedule, if you want to. I mean, once it’s this bad…
CARLA
No. I’m just…waiting.
CLAUDIA
Waiting?
CARLA
For someone.
CLAUDIA
Someone?
CARLA
Yeah, someone.
CLAUDIA
You can be really specific and to the point when you want to be, can’t you?
SOPHIA
So she’s been distracted lately, huh?
CLAUDIA
Usually nothing distracts our Carla.
SOPHIA
And she’s been stressed.
CLAUDIA
Our Carla never gets stressed.
SOPHIA
Fatigue?
CLAUDIA
Hmm.
CARLA
Okay, enough talking about me like I’m not here. I am still here, aren’t I?
CLAUDIA
Yes, and unfortunately, so are these roots.
CARLA
Would you excuse me? I need to use the restroom.
CLAUDIA
Sure.
CARLA looks at URSULA.
CARLA
Do you have…
URSULA hands CARLA a shopping bag. CARLA exits.
CLAUDIA
What was that?
URSULA
You know when everything comes down to a moment? Like all the choices you’ve made, all the things you’ve done…they all come down to this own moment where everything either stays the same or becomes…very different.
CLAUDIA
What?
URSULA
A moment, you know.
CLAUDIA
Okay, so what about it?
URSULA
I think Carla’s about to have her moment.
CLAUDIA
What?
CARLA enters and goes back to her seat.
CLAUDIA
Carla, what’s this I hear about you having a moment?
CARLA
What?
CLAUDIA
See? Even she doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
URSULA
Oh, I just meant—
CLAUDIA
—Ursula makes it sound like you have some sort of announcement to make or something. Something about your—moment.
CARLA
Oh, no.
CLAUDIA
Come on, Carla.
SOPHIA
We’re all ears.
MOLLY enters dramatically.
MOLLY
Oh…my…
CLAUDIA barely glances up as MOLLY makes her entrance.
CLAUDIA
Well, well, well.
MOLLY
You will never BELIEVE what just happened to me!
CLAUDIA
I’ll tell you what I BELIEVE. I BELIEVE you’re about twenty minutes late. This is Sophia, she’s your next appointment.
SOPHIA
Hi.
MOLLY
Oh, hi, sorry about that, but you will never BELIEVE what just happened to me!
SOPHIA
What happened?
MOLLY
I just met the rudest person I have ever met in my entire life.
CARLA
Your entire life, huh?
CLAUDIA
Molly, Carla was just about to make an announcement.
SOPHIA
She had a moment.
CARLA
No, that’s okay—
MOLLY
—Well, it will have to wait, because man oh man, do I have a story to tell.
CLAUDIA
Actually, I’m really interested in hearing about Carla—
SOPHIA
—And her moment—
CARLA
—No, really—
MOLLY
—So I was taking my lunch break, minding my own business, right? When bam—
CARLA
—You got hit by a bus.
MOLLY
No, better. I mean, worse. I mean, just listen.
CLAUDIA
Because you know, if you got hit by a bus, I would take that as a
reasonably acceptable excuse for being almost half an hour late.
MOLLY
Would you just LISTEN?
SOPHIA
I don’t mean to be rude, but do you think I should try and go somewhere else? I just need a trim, but I don’t have that much time…
MOLLY climbs up on a chair. She gets very animated as she tells her tale.
MOLLY
Okay, well it started out as any other lunch break. I went to get a bite to eat, when bam—I suddenly feel myself getting a migraine headache.
SOPHIA
Oh, those are terrible—the worst pain.
MOLLY
EXRUCIATING pain, yes. So I was walking around the mall in EXCRUCIATING pain. I started looking for some chocolate because chocolate is, like, a proven cure for migraines.
URSULA and CLAUDIA respond sarcastically.
URSULA
Right.
CLAUDIA
Sure.
SOPHIA
No, it is. I read about it. Actually, they did this study where they fed people chocolate and then did a Cat Scan on their brain, and they discovered that when you have chocolate in your system, the same happy endorphins are released as when you’re doing cocaine.
CARLA
Really?
CLAUDIA
It’s a lot cheaper, I suppose.
CARLA
And more convenient.
URSULA
And more…legal.
CLAUDIA
Huh.
MOLLY
ANYWAY, so I was on a mission to find some chocolate. So I stopped in this little store and got a Kit Kat bar, right?
CLAUDIA
(Singing): Give me a break…
MOLLY
No, no singing. I’m telling a story. No singing.
CLAUDIA
Sorry.
MOLLY
So anyway, I get a Kit Kat bar. I’m walking all over the mall, looking for a place to sit, but of course all the benches have people on them, which is really annoying because I was in EXCRUCIATING pain and it’s not like I felt like being sociable or even really looking at another person. I just wanted to eat the damn Kit Kat and feel better, you know? So I’m on this quest to find an empty bench, which is impossible, so finally I settle for this one where it’s just this one guy and he’s sitting way on the corner at one end and I figure I can sit in the opposite corner at the other end. I can almost close my eyes and pretend he’s not even there—it’s wonderful, except for the THROBBING pain in my head. So I’m sitting on this bench with this guy and the Kit Kat bar’s sitting between us. So I pick it up, unwrap it, break off a piece, eat it, just like normal—right? And it’s been awhile since I’ve had one, and I almost forgot how good it is. So I’m sitting there, savoring the flavor of the Kit Kat. I can almost feel the pressure releasing in my head—and then it happens. Out of the corner of my eye, I see this guy who’s on the other side of the bench reaching to break off a piece of my Kit Kat bar! Obviously, I’m appalled. And he’s just sitting there, chewing away, like it’s perfectly natural to steal a bite of Kit Kat from a complete stranger. And I’m thinking, What the hell? But then I’m wondering if maybe I’m having some weird hallucination or something, because I mean this headache is just AWFUL and I probably need to take a nap and sleep it off…so I let it drop. I break off another piece, eat it, like absolutely nothing has happened and I’m just eating my Kit Kat. But sure enough, he reaches for it AGAIN! He finished MY Kit Kat bar! And he acts like it’s the most natural thing ever. Then he takes the wrapper, folds it into a perfect little square, throws it away, and walks off. And I’m just sitting there, flabbergasted. Who steals half a Kit Kat bar? Who does that?
SOPHIA
Maybe he was hungry.
MOLLY
What?
SOPHIA
Maybe he couldn’t afford his own food.
MOLLY
You know, you’ve got a point. I never thought about that. Oh, you know what this means, don’t you?
SOPHIA
What?
MOLLY
I helped feed a homeless man. I generously gave a hungry person half my food. And to think, it took such little effort. I mean really, it was just a matter of being in the right place ad the right time, right? Think of it, Ladies. It we all joined together and bought one Kit Kat bar for every hungry person in this city, we could—
CLAUDIA
—Okay, Hero. Let’s see you cutting some hair.
MOLLY climbs back down to floor level.
MOLLY
I’m almost embarrassed now. To think, I was angry at a desperate person.
URSULA
Speaking of being embarrassed, you’ll never believe what I did…
CLAUDIA
Ooh, I love a good embarrassing story.
URSULA
So the other day I’m shopping, totally lost in my own little world, when I notice this woman. She walks in front of me and her tag is sticking out in back. I feel like I should tell her because, you know, I’d want someone to tell me if my tag was sticking out. So I start following her and trying to get her attention. That’s when I notice one of her heels is broken. She’s walking with this weird giddyup to her step and as I’m following her I instinctively start to imitate the walk, not because I’m making fun of her but just because it’s one of those things—like when you start tapping your feet to the music and you don’t even like the music, but you can’t help it. So I’m walking with a gimp and trying to tell her about the tag, when I notice she has one of those stickers stuck on her sleeve, like from a banana or something. It’s just stuck there, on the back of her sleeve. I almost feel like I could just reach out and grab it. And then, I do. I reach out to grab the sticker and all of a sudden she stops, in the middle of the aisle, and I run smack into her and we both fall to the ground. We knock into this huge display of sweaters—great sale, fifty percent off, you really need to get down there—so there were are, on the ground, sweaters all around us. And before I knew what I was saying, the words just came out and I said: “Your tag’s sticking out and you heel is broken and you’ve got a sticker on your sleeve and your hair is a mess!” She just glared at me, which I pretty much took as my cue to leave.
CARLA’S cell phone rings. She answers and we hear her half of the conversation.
CARLA
Hello?...Yeah, did you get my message?...Yeah, I’m at a hair appointment…The one on Sixth Street…Okay, see you in a few minutes.
CARLA hangs up her phone.
CLAUDIA
Is that the mystery man?
MOLLY
Mystery Man? Ooh, do tell.
CARLA
There’s nothing to tell, really.
CLAUDIA
Who is he? How did you meet? Why haven’t we ever met him? WHO IS HE?
MOLLY
Oh, is this the announcement?
CLAUDIA
Well, you can’t keep us waiting any longer. Molly, did you get all your Kit Kat energy out?
MOLLY
Yep, I can be quiet for awhile.
CARLA
Well, I guess the announcement would be…
MOLLY
Drumroll please…
CARLA
Oh, it’s nothing. Really. I just met this guy awhile ago. And it’s…nothing.
CLAUDIA
And?
CARLA
And he’s nice. And respectful.
MOLLY
Ew. So not sexy?
CARLA
He’s sexy too.
MOLLY
Nice, respectful, and sexy? And he’s like, a real person?
CLAUDIA
What’s the catch?
CARLA
There’s no catch, really. It’s just really complicated right now.
CLAUDIA
Honey, there’s always a catch. Does he have a wife? A heroin addiction? A freakish inability to blink like a normal person?
CARLA
He sells shoes.
MOLLY
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. And his selling shoes is a problem because…
CARLA
No, it’s not a problem. It’s just—what he does. It’s how we met. It’s like one minute you need a pair of shoes, and the next…there’s this guy in your life. And he says and does all the right things. Like when he asked if I wanted to try on the black or the brown pair. I said, “Black,” and my gum fell out of my mouth, right onto the floor in front of us. It was so humiliating. And he just grabbed a piece of Kleenex, scooped it up, and threw it away, like it was nothing. He took all the awkwardness away. He just…he made me feel okay.
MOLLY
Honey, I gotta tell you, you really need to get out more often.
CARLA
He has these hands that are just—I’m such a hands person. And his hands—they’re rough, but they’re clean. They’re strong, but…they’re gentle.
CLAUDIA
So…what’s the catch?
CARLA
I just…I just needed a pair of shoes.
CARLA’S expression is hard to read—Fear? Regret?
URSULA
Are you okay?
CARLA
Would you excuse me? I need to use the restroom again.
CLAUDIA
Of course. Take your time.
CARLA exits.
CLAUDIA
What the hell is going on with her?
LUKE enters, carrying a small white bag. Everyone is facing LUKE except MOLLY, who is turned away as she gathers some things to work on SOPHIA’S hair.
LUKE
Excuse me, is this Claudia’s Hair Salon?
CLAUDIA
That’s right. Can I help you?
LUKE
Yeah, I’m looking for—
MOLLY turns suddenly and approaches LUKE.
MOLLY
—Oh, it’s you! Do you need something else to eat? We’ve got a fridge in the back…
LUKE is confused.
LUKE
Excuse me?
MOLLY
Hey listen, I’m here to help. I think we even have some M&M’s left—unless Claudia got to them again.
LUKE
Wait a second! Are you that crazy lady that stole half my Kit Kat bar?
MOLLY’S compassion is quickly replaced by hysteria.
MOLLY
YOUR Kit Kat bar? YOUR Kit Kat bar? You are a sick, sick man. And how dare you track me down, come into my salon—
CLAUDIA
—YOUR salon? YOUR salon?
MOLLY
Into Claudia’s salon, and call me a liar in front of all my friends when clearly you are the one who—
LUKE
—Listen, Lady. I’m sorry you were raised in such a way that you think it’s appropriate to steal food from complete strangers, but that’s not really the way I operate. And then for you to play your little games, shifting the blame and changing the story—that’s just plain rude, okay?
MOLLY
What’s in that bag?
LUKE
Excuse me? It’s my lunch and it’s none of your business.
MOLLY
Your lunch. Your LUNCH? Oh, so now you can afford to buy your own LUNCH?
LUKE
What is your problem? Of course I can afford to buy my own lunch. I actually buy all of my own food, unlike you. I even buy my own Kit Kat bars. Why, just today I bought my own Kit Kat bar—and then some crazy lady swooped in and ate half of it!
MOLLY approaches LUKE. LUKE backs away.
MOLLY
What’s in the bag?
LUKE
Would you calm down?
MOLLY
Let me see what’s in the bag!
LUKE
It’s a cinnamon roll, okay?
MOLLY
Okay? OKAY? No, it’s not OKAY! Give me that!
LUKE
WHAT?
MOLLY grabs the bag out of LUKE’S hands. She pulls out the cinnamon roll and throws the bag on the floor. She raises the cinnamon roll above her head.
MOLLY
This is for the Kit Kat!
MOLLY takes a huge, defiant bite out of the cinnamon roll. Everyone watches her, shocked but not sure how to respond. She takes another large, angry bite before handing the remainder of the cinnamon roll back to LUKE. Her voice is muffled as she speaks with her mouth full.
MOLLY
Here’s your damn cinnamon roll!
CARLA enters.
CARLA
Molly, what’s your problem?
MOLLY
My PROBLEM? Do you know who this is?
CARLA
Uh—yeah.
MOLLY
I’ll TELL you who this is. This is—wait, you do know who this is?
CARLA
Yeah.
MOLLY
How do you know who this is?
CARLA
This is—
MOLLY
—Oh my God, the shoe dude?
CLAUDIA
Uh, Molly? Could you help me clean up a little in back? Sophia, why don’t you come with us? I’ll give you some hair products for being such a good sport about waiting.
SOPHIA
You know, I was reading a report on hair products the other day. Do you know what the number one product is?
CLAUDIA
Hairspray? Whatever it is, I’m sure we have it.
SOPHIA
Paprika. It creates the illusion of red.
CLAUDIA
Fantastic. I don’t think we have any of that, but come see what we do
have. And Sophia? I think you may need to lay off the reading for awhile.
MOLLY, SOPHIA, and CLAUDIA exit. URSULA stands awkwardly for a moment.
URSULA
I should…I should go help them.
CARLA
This is Ursula.
LUKE
Nice to meet you.
URSULA
You must be—
LUKE
—The shoe dude? Yeah.
URSULA
It’s kind of weird, meeting you like this.
LUKE
You mean at a hair salon?
URSULA
No, I mean, with everything that’s happening.
LUKE
What do you mean?
URSULA
Um…
CARLA
I have something I need to tell you, Luke.
LUKE
What is it?
CARLA
I think it’d be easier if I showed you. Let me go get it.
LUKE
Get what? What’s going on?
CARLA
I’ll be right back.
CARLA exits.
LUKE
What the hell? This has been the weirdest day.
URSULA
Yeah, I know. I mean—well, I’ve had weirder.
LUKE
Doubtful.
URSULA
No, trust me. I have.
LUKE
Try me.
URSULA
Well, for me, the weirdest day ever…I, I shouldn’t. It’s not my story to tell.
LUKE
Sounds major. Just get it off your chest.
URSULA
I’ve never told anyone really…Okay. Well, Carla and I have been friends since we were like, babies.
LUKE
Wow, I don’t have any friends that go back that far.
URSULA
Yeah, we’ve been—we’ve pretty much been through it all together. I used to always go and play at her house when we were little. Her mom was this real June Cleaver type, always smiling, always baking, always wearing this green apron. Or was it blue? God, I can’t remember…I can’t believe I forgot. She wore it all the time. She was always making these really elaborate dishes—not like grilled cheese or macaroni, like the other moms. She made desserts that had chocolate swirls on them. And fruity drinks with whipped cream on top. She was always humming these show tunes…God, I could go on about her forever. Anyway, one day I’m over there and we’re watching…God, what was it, The Cosby Show? Something like that. And there’s just this—feeling. And the water’s running upstairs. She was taking a bath. It was the way it sounded, like when you leave something on the stove too long and it starts boiling over. The water was running and running…like it was never going to stop. And then there were footsteps, her dad’s footsteps, and then they were running, and…then there was this scream, like I’ve never heard a man scream before.
LUKE
She drowned herself in the bathtub? Her mom—did that? While you guys were watching TV?
URSULA
Oh, God. This was not my story to tell.
LUKE
That’s—I don’t know what to say. That’s terrible.
CARLA enters. She doesn’t pick up on how much the mood has changed.
CARLA
Uh, Ursula? Where is it?
URSULA
What do you mean? It’s not back there? It was on the sink, where you left it.
CARLA shakes her head no.
URSULA
Oh, shit.
LUKE
What’s going on? This is getting a little..
CARLA
A little what?
LUKE
I’m so sorry about your mom.
CARLA
WHAT?
LUKE
I mean—I…
CARLA
You TOLD him?
URSULA
I…I’m so sorry. I don’t know…I don’t know why I told him.
LUKE
Is that what—I mean, is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
CARLA
No.
Long pause.
CARLA
You know, sometimes I don’t even miss her. I mean, I’m used to not having her here. But sometimes…there are certain times when it would be really nice to have a mom around.
LUKE
Like now?
CARLA
Luke. I know we haven’t known each other that long. And I’m not going to hold it against you if you—
LUKE
What?
MOLLY yells out, offstage.
MOLLY
Oh my God, she’s pregnant!
CLAUDIA
(Offstage): Shh, Molly, keep your voice down!
MOLLY bursts on stage, pregnancy test in hand. She looks at CARLA.
MOLLY
You’re having Crazy Kit Kat Man’s child?
URSULA
Molly, this is—even for you, this is…
URSULA drags MOLLY offstage as MOLLY throws the home pregnancy test on the floor. The tests lands at LUKE’S feet. He picks it up.
LUKE
That’s positive, all right.
Long pause.
LUKE
I don’t quite know what to say. I’ve never been in this situation before.
CARLA
That makes two of us.
LUKE
What do you want to do?
CARLA
I don’t know.
LUKE
I’m not going to…
CARLA
What?
LUKE
I’m not going to flake out on you. I mean, we’re in this, together. Whatever we decide.
CARLA approaches LUKE and collapses into him, relieved.
CARLA
I was really hoping you’d say that.
CLAUDIA, SOPHIA, MOLLY, and URSULA hesitantly re-enter.
CLAUDIA
Is everything okay?
CARLA
Yeah.
CLAUDIA
Okay, that’s it. Enough hair cutting for today. We’re closing up shop. Molly, give me your keys.
MOLLY
Yeah, sure. Just a second.
MOLLY rummages through her purse and sees something that causes shock.
MOLLY
Oh…my…oh, shit.
URSULA
What?
MOLLY slowly looks up.
CLAUDIA
WHAT?
MOLLY looks at LUKE.
MOLLY
I’m so sorry. I mean, I am so, so sorry! I really thought…I am so sorry!
MOLLY pulls a Kit Kat bar out of her purse and sheepishly holds it up for everyone to see.
MOLLY
I guess that was your Kit Kat bar!
The act ends.
THE KIT KAT CONSPIRACY
By: Kristen Forbes
The set looks like a hair salon, with props such as curling irons, hair dryers, etc. CARLA sits facing the audience as CLAUDIA stands behind her, working on her hair. URSULA sits to the side, flipping through a magazine. SOPHIA enters. CLAUDIA acknowledges her entrance with a nod.
SOPHIA
Uh, hi. Do you do walk-in appointments?
CLAUDIA gestures to CARLA.
CLAUDIA
Yeah, but it’s gonna be about fifteen minutes while I finish her.
SOPHIA
Okay.
SOPHIA takes a seat next to URSULA. URSULA looks up from her magazine.
URSULA
So, Claudia.
CLAUDIA answers with a comb in her mouth.
CLAUDIA
Hmm?
URSULA
Last night.
CLAUDIA takes the comb out of her mouth.
CLAUDIA
Last night?
URSULA
Mr. Business Executive?
CLAUDIA
Oh—yeah. That. It’s not going to work out.
URSULA
What? I thought you really liked him.
CLAUDIA
Uh, yeah. I did.
URSULA
Well, what happened?
CLAUDIA
It was…nothing. What about you, Carla? Anything new with you?
CARLA does not respond.
URSULA
Oh no, you can’t change the subject on us like that. What the hell happened?
CLAUDIA
Okay, fine. He never blinks.
URSULA
What?
SOPHIA
I was reading about that. It’s a medical condition, you know. I can’t remember what it’s called.
URSULA
What do you mean, he never blinks?
CLAUDIA
I mean really, he never blinks. I kept waiting for it. The entire night, I watched him. And he just kept staring at me, his eyes completely open. He’s looking at me all bug-eyed. Didn’t blink once the entire date.
URSULA
Are you serious?
CLAUDIA
Completely. And at first, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, I figured that he was blinking, but for some reason I just kept missing it. Like he was blinking at the exact same time as me or something. So then I started paying more attention to it, started trying to keep my own eyes open so I wouldn’t miss it. But it just never happened. It totally freaked me out.
SOPHIA
Maybe he was imitating you.
CLAUDIA
What?
SOPHIA
I mean, maybe he noticed that you were keeping your eyes open and he was just trying to keep up.
CLAUDIA
No, he definitely wasn’t blinking. And it was definitely freaky.
URSULA
So that’s that, huh? He doesn’t blink, he’s out?
CLAUDIA
Oh, don’t make me sound so heartless. You weren’t there. You don’t know how strange it was, watching this. And it’s like I became transfixed. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I just kept watching those eyes, those freaky unblinking eyes.
The story drops and CLAUDIA looks over at SOPHIA.
CLAUDIA
What’s your name?
SOPHIA
Me?
CLAUDIA
Yeah, what’s your name?
SOPHIA
Sophia.
CLAUDIA
Well, Sophia. I think it might be more than fifteen minutes. Come over here and take a look at this.
SOPHIA rises and joins CLAUDIA behind CARLA’S chair. CLAUDIA gestures toward CARLA’S head.
CLAUDIA
Do you see this uneven color?
SOPHIA
Uh, yeah.
CLAUDIA
Someone hasn’t been coming in regularly enough. And that someone’s got some pretty bad roots.
SOPHIA
Oh, so it’s going to take awhile to fix?
CLAUDIA
Honey, I’m good, but—this needs a major overhaul.
SOPHIA
That’s okay. I don’t mind waiting.
SOPHIA goes back to her seat.
URSULA
Where’s Molly? Can’t she do the walk-in?
CLAUDIA
She should be here any minute. She has a habit of taking extended lunch breaks. And by extended, I mean infinite. And by infinite, I mean don’t hold your breath.
URSULA
That’s Molly for you.
CLAUDIA
Ursula, did you want anything done today?
URSULA
Nah, I’m just here with Carla.
CLAUDIA
Thought you’d need a little moral support, huh?
CARLA
Something like that.
CLAUDIA
I’m not that bad, am I? I mean, there was that one time I talked you into getting that perm…
URSULA
Oh Claudia, that was hideous.
CLAUDIA
I know, I know. But it fit in with the times, didn’t it?
URSULA
Like Spandex and neon. And let’s not forget the time you gave her those red highlights and she looked like a poster girl for the Red Light District
CLAUDIA
All right, all right. So I’ve made a few mistakes. But I’ve come a long way, don’t you think?
URSULA
Yeah, you’re not so bad anymore.
CLAUDIA
Not so bad? Not so bad? I’m fantastic, aren’t I?
URSULA
I don’t know if I’d go that far…
URSULA trails off and goes back to reading her magazine. CLAUDIA looks down at CARLA.
CLAUDIA
Carla, are you all right? I don’t think you’ve said a work in the last fifteen minutes.
Long pause.
CARLA
What?
CLAUDIA
Are you okay?
CARLA
Oh, yeah, sorry. I’ve just been kind of distracted. I think I’m coming down with something.
CLAUDIA
I heard the flu is going around. Is it like that?
CARLA
I don’t know. It’s just…I don’t know.
SOPHIA
Maybe it’s stress?
CARLA
Maybe.
SOPHIA
Because I was reading the other day: The best cure for stress is four peppermint leaves—grind them up, heat them in a mixture of water and honey, add a few drops of vanilla extract, let everything cool, then pour it all into a jar.
URSULA
What do you do with the jar?
SOPHIA
You carry it around with you.
CLAUDIA
Is it like aromatherapy?
SOPHIA
No. If someone does something that’s really annoying, you’re supposed to throw it in their eyes. Apparently, the combination of ingredients has been proven to cause blindness.
CARLA
Wow.
URSULA
Wow.
CLAUDIA
That’s a little far-fetched for me. Not to mention somewhat evil.
SOPHIA
It’s just what I read.
Everyone goes back to her business—working on hair, reading magazines, staring into space, etc.
CLAUDIA
Carla, Carla, Carla. These roots are terrible. Why didn’t you come see me a few weeks ago?
CARLA
I was just busy, I guess.
CARLA looks at her watch.
CLAUDIA
Are you in a hurry? We could always reschedule, if you want to. I mean, once it’s this bad…
CARLA
No. I’m just…waiting.
CLAUDIA
Waiting?
CARLA
For someone.
CLAUDIA
Someone?
CARLA
Yeah, someone.
CLAUDIA
You can be really specific and to the point when you want to be, can’t you?
SOPHIA
So she’s been distracted lately, huh?
CLAUDIA
Usually nothing distracts our Carla.
SOPHIA
And she’s been stressed.
CLAUDIA
Our Carla never gets stressed.
SOPHIA
Fatigue?
CLAUDIA
Hmm.
CARLA
Okay, enough talking about me like I’m not here. I am still here, aren’t I?
CLAUDIA
Yes, and unfortunately, so are these roots.
CARLA
Would you excuse me? I need to use the restroom.
CLAUDIA
Sure.
CARLA looks at URSULA.
CARLA
Do you have…
URSULA hands CARLA a shopping bag. CARLA exits.
CLAUDIA
What was that?
URSULA
You know when everything comes down to a moment? Like all the choices you’ve made, all the things you’ve done…they all come down to this own moment where everything either stays the same or becomes…very different.
CLAUDIA
What?
URSULA
A moment, you know.
CLAUDIA
Okay, so what about it?
URSULA
I think Carla’s about to have her moment.
CLAUDIA
What?
CARLA enters and goes back to her seat.
CLAUDIA
Carla, what’s this I hear about you having a moment?
CARLA
What?
CLAUDIA
See? Even she doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
URSULA
Oh, I just meant—
CLAUDIA
—Ursula makes it sound like you have some sort of announcement to make or something. Something about your—moment.
CARLA
Oh, no.
CLAUDIA
Come on, Carla.
SOPHIA
We’re all ears.
MOLLY enters dramatically.
MOLLY
Oh…my…
CLAUDIA barely glances up as MOLLY makes her entrance.
CLAUDIA
Well, well, well.
MOLLY
You will never BELIEVE what just happened to me!
CLAUDIA
I’ll tell you what I BELIEVE. I BELIEVE you’re about twenty minutes late. This is Sophia, she’s your next appointment.
SOPHIA
Hi.
MOLLY
Oh, hi, sorry about that, but you will never BELIEVE what just happened to me!
SOPHIA
What happened?
MOLLY
I just met the rudest person I have ever met in my entire life.
CARLA
Your entire life, huh?
CLAUDIA
Molly, Carla was just about to make an announcement.
SOPHIA
She had a moment.
CARLA
No, that’s okay—
MOLLY
—Well, it will have to wait, because man oh man, do I have a story to tell.
CLAUDIA
Actually, I’m really interested in hearing about Carla—
SOPHIA
—And her moment—
CARLA
—No, really—
MOLLY
—So I was taking my lunch break, minding my own business, right? When bam—
CARLA
—You got hit by a bus.
MOLLY
No, better. I mean, worse. I mean, just listen.
CLAUDIA
Because you know, if you got hit by a bus, I would take that as a
reasonably acceptable excuse for being almost half an hour late.
MOLLY
Would you just LISTEN?
SOPHIA
I don’t mean to be rude, but do you think I should try and go somewhere else? I just need a trim, but I don’t have that much time…
MOLLY climbs up on a chair. She gets very animated as she tells her tale.
MOLLY
Okay, well it started out as any other lunch break. I went to get a bite to eat, when bam—I suddenly feel myself getting a migraine headache.
SOPHIA
Oh, those are terrible—the worst pain.
MOLLY
EXRUCIATING pain, yes. So I was walking around the mall in EXCRUCIATING pain. I started looking for some chocolate because chocolate is, like, a proven cure for migraines.
URSULA and CLAUDIA respond sarcastically.
URSULA
Right.
CLAUDIA
Sure.
SOPHIA
No, it is. I read about it. Actually, they did this study where they fed people chocolate and then did a Cat Scan on their brain, and they discovered that when you have chocolate in your system, the same happy endorphins are released as when you’re doing cocaine.
CARLA
Really?
CLAUDIA
It’s a lot cheaper, I suppose.
CARLA
And more convenient.
URSULA
And more…legal.
CLAUDIA
Huh.
MOLLY
ANYWAY, so I was on a mission to find some chocolate. So I stopped in this little store and got a Kit Kat bar, right?
CLAUDIA
(Singing): Give me a break…
MOLLY
No, no singing. I’m telling a story. No singing.
CLAUDIA
Sorry.
MOLLY
So anyway, I get a Kit Kat bar. I’m walking all over the mall, looking for a place to sit, but of course all the benches have people on them, which is really annoying because I was in EXCRUCIATING pain and it’s not like I felt like being sociable or even really looking at another person. I just wanted to eat the damn Kit Kat and feel better, you know? So I’m on this quest to find an empty bench, which is impossible, so finally I settle for this one where it’s just this one guy and he’s sitting way on the corner at one end and I figure I can sit in the opposite corner at the other end. I can almost close my eyes and pretend he’s not even there—it’s wonderful, except for the THROBBING pain in my head. So I’m sitting on this bench with this guy and the Kit Kat bar’s sitting between us. So I pick it up, unwrap it, break off a piece, eat it, just like normal—right? And it’s been awhile since I’ve had one, and I almost forgot how good it is. So I’m sitting there, savoring the flavor of the Kit Kat. I can almost feel the pressure releasing in my head—and then it happens. Out of the corner of my eye, I see this guy who’s on the other side of the bench reaching to break off a piece of my Kit Kat bar! Obviously, I’m appalled. And he’s just sitting there, chewing away, like it’s perfectly natural to steal a bite of Kit Kat from a complete stranger. And I’m thinking, What the hell? But then I’m wondering if maybe I’m having some weird hallucination or something, because I mean this headache is just AWFUL and I probably need to take a nap and sleep it off…so I let it drop. I break off another piece, eat it, like absolutely nothing has happened and I’m just eating my Kit Kat. But sure enough, he reaches for it AGAIN! He finished MY Kit Kat bar! And he acts like it’s the most natural thing ever. Then he takes the wrapper, folds it into a perfect little square, throws it away, and walks off. And I’m just sitting there, flabbergasted. Who steals half a Kit Kat bar? Who does that?
SOPHIA
Maybe he was hungry.
MOLLY
What?
SOPHIA
Maybe he couldn’t afford his own food.
MOLLY
You know, you’ve got a point. I never thought about that. Oh, you know what this means, don’t you?
SOPHIA
What?
MOLLY
I helped feed a homeless man. I generously gave a hungry person half my food. And to think, it took such little effort. I mean really, it was just a matter of being in the right place ad the right time, right? Think of it, Ladies. It we all joined together and bought one Kit Kat bar for every hungry person in this city, we could—
CLAUDIA
—Okay, Hero. Let’s see you cutting some hair.
MOLLY climbs back down to floor level.
MOLLY
I’m almost embarrassed now. To think, I was angry at a desperate person.
URSULA
Speaking of being embarrassed, you’ll never believe what I did…
CLAUDIA
Ooh, I love a good embarrassing story.
URSULA
So the other day I’m shopping, totally lost in my own little world, when I notice this woman. She walks in front of me and her tag is sticking out in back. I feel like I should tell her because, you know, I’d want someone to tell me if my tag was sticking out. So I start following her and trying to get her attention. That’s when I notice one of her heels is broken. She’s walking with this weird giddyup to her step and as I’m following her I instinctively start to imitate the walk, not because I’m making fun of her but just because it’s one of those things—like when you start tapping your feet to the music and you don’t even like the music, but you can’t help it. So I’m walking with a gimp and trying to tell her about the tag, when I notice she has one of those stickers stuck on her sleeve, like from a banana or something. It’s just stuck there, on the back of her sleeve. I almost feel like I could just reach out and grab it. And then, I do. I reach out to grab the sticker and all of a sudden she stops, in the middle of the aisle, and I run smack into her and we both fall to the ground. We knock into this huge display of sweaters—great sale, fifty percent off, you really need to get down there—so there were are, on the ground, sweaters all around us. And before I knew what I was saying, the words just came out and I said: “Your tag’s sticking out and you heel is broken and you’ve got a sticker on your sleeve and your hair is a mess!” She just glared at me, which I pretty much took as my cue to leave.
CARLA’S cell phone rings. She answers and we hear her half of the conversation.
CARLA
Hello?...Yeah, did you get my message?...Yeah, I’m at a hair appointment…The one on Sixth Street…Okay, see you in a few minutes.
CARLA hangs up her phone.
CLAUDIA
Is that the mystery man?
MOLLY
Mystery Man? Ooh, do tell.
CARLA
There’s nothing to tell, really.
CLAUDIA
Who is he? How did you meet? Why haven’t we ever met him? WHO IS HE?
MOLLY
Oh, is this the announcement?
CLAUDIA
Well, you can’t keep us waiting any longer. Molly, did you get all your Kit Kat energy out?
MOLLY
Yep, I can be quiet for awhile.
CARLA
Well, I guess the announcement would be…
MOLLY
Drumroll please…
CARLA
Oh, it’s nothing. Really. I just met this guy awhile ago. And it’s…nothing.
CLAUDIA
And?
CARLA
And he’s nice. And respectful.
MOLLY
Ew. So not sexy?
CARLA
He’s sexy too.
MOLLY
Nice, respectful, and sexy? And he’s like, a real person?
CLAUDIA
What’s the catch?
CARLA
There’s no catch, really. It’s just really complicated right now.
CLAUDIA
Honey, there’s always a catch. Does he have a wife? A heroin addiction? A freakish inability to blink like a normal person?
CARLA
He sells shoes.
MOLLY
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. And his selling shoes is a problem because…
CARLA
No, it’s not a problem. It’s just—what he does. It’s how we met. It’s like one minute you need a pair of shoes, and the next…there’s this guy in your life. And he says and does all the right things. Like when he asked if I wanted to try on the black or the brown pair. I said, “Black,” and my gum fell out of my mouth, right onto the floor in front of us. It was so humiliating. And he just grabbed a piece of Kleenex, scooped it up, and threw it away, like it was nothing. He took all the awkwardness away. He just…he made me feel okay.
MOLLY
Honey, I gotta tell you, you really need to get out more often.
CARLA
He has these hands that are just—I’m such a hands person. And his hands—they’re rough, but they’re clean. They’re strong, but…they’re gentle.
CLAUDIA
So…what’s the catch?
CARLA
I just…I just needed a pair of shoes.
CARLA’S expression is hard to read—Fear? Regret?
URSULA
Are you okay?
CARLA
Would you excuse me? I need to use the restroom again.
CLAUDIA
Of course. Take your time.
CARLA exits.
CLAUDIA
What the hell is going on with her?
LUKE enters, carrying a small white bag. Everyone is facing LUKE except MOLLY, who is turned away as she gathers some things to work on SOPHIA’S hair.
LUKE
Excuse me, is this Claudia’s Hair Salon?
CLAUDIA
That’s right. Can I help you?
LUKE
Yeah, I’m looking for—
MOLLY turns suddenly and approaches LUKE.
MOLLY
—Oh, it’s you! Do you need something else to eat? We’ve got a fridge in the back…
LUKE is confused.
LUKE
Excuse me?
MOLLY
Hey listen, I’m here to help. I think we even have some M&M’s left—unless Claudia got to them again.
LUKE
Wait a second! Are you that crazy lady that stole half my Kit Kat bar?
MOLLY’S compassion is quickly replaced by hysteria.
MOLLY
YOUR Kit Kat bar? YOUR Kit Kat bar? You are a sick, sick man. And how dare you track me down, come into my salon—
CLAUDIA
—YOUR salon? YOUR salon?
MOLLY
Into Claudia’s salon, and call me a liar in front of all my friends when clearly you are the one who—
LUKE
—Listen, Lady. I’m sorry you were raised in such a way that you think it’s appropriate to steal food from complete strangers, but that’s not really the way I operate. And then for you to play your little games, shifting the blame and changing the story—that’s just plain rude, okay?
MOLLY
What’s in that bag?
LUKE
Excuse me? It’s my lunch and it’s none of your business.
MOLLY
Your lunch. Your LUNCH? Oh, so now you can afford to buy your own LUNCH?
LUKE
What is your problem? Of course I can afford to buy my own lunch. I actually buy all of my own food, unlike you. I even buy my own Kit Kat bars. Why, just today I bought my own Kit Kat bar—and then some crazy lady swooped in and ate half of it!
MOLLY approaches LUKE. LUKE backs away.
MOLLY
What’s in the bag?
LUKE
Would you calm down?
MOLLY
Let me see what’s in the bag!
LUKE
It’s a cinnamon roll, okay?
MOLLY
Okay? OKAY? No, it’s not OKAY! Give me that!
LUKE
WHAT?
MOLLY grabs the bag out of LUKE’S hands. She pulls out the cinnamon roll and throws the bag on the floor. She raises the cinnamon roll above her head.
MOLLY
This is for the Kit Kat!
MOLLY takes a huge, defiant bite out of the cinnamon roll. Everyone watches her, shocked but not sure how to respond. She takes another large, angry bite before handing the remainder of the cinnamon roll back to LUKE. Her voice is muffled as she speaks with her mouth full.
MOLLY
Here’s your damn cinnamon roll!
CARLA enters.
CARLA
Molly, what’s your problem?
MOLLY
My PROBLEM? Do you know who this is?
CARLA
Uh—yeah.
MOLLY
I’ll TELL you who this is. This is—wait, you do know who this is?
CARLA
Yeah.
MOLLY
How do you know who this is?
CARLA
This is—
MOLLY
—Oh my God, the shoe dude?
CLAUDIA
Uh, Molly? Could you help me clean up a little in back? Sophia, why don’t you come with us? I’ll give you some hair products for being such a good sport about waiting.
SOPHIA
You know, I was reading a report on hair products the other day. Do you know what the number one product is?
CLAUDIA
Hairspray? Whatever it is, I’m sure we have it.
SOPHIA
Paprika. It creates the illusion of red.
CLAUDIA
Fantastic. I don’t think we have any of that, but come see what we do
have. And Sophia? I think you may need to lay off the reading for awhile.
MOLLY, SOPHIA, and CLAUDIA exit. URSULA stands awkwardly for a moment.
URSULA
I should…I should go help them.
CARLA
This is Ursula.
LUKE
Nice to meet you.
URSULA
You must be—
LUKE
—The shoe dude? Yeah.
URSULA
It’s kind of weird, meeting you like this.
LUKE
You mean at a hair salon?
URSULA
No, I mean, with everything that’s happening.
LUKE
What do you mean?
URSULA
Um…
CARLA
I have something I need to tell you, Luke.
LUKE
What is it?
CARLA
I think it’d be easier if I showed you. Let me go get it.
LUKE
Get what? What’s going on?
CARLA
I’ll be right back.
CARLA exits.
LUKE
What the hell? This has been the weirdest day.
URSULA
Yeah, I know. I mean—well, I’ve had weirder.
LUKE
Doubtful.
URSULA
No, trust me. I have.
LUKE
Try me.
URSULA
Well, for me, the weirdest day ever…I, I shouldn’t. It’s not my story to tell.
LUKE
Sounds major. Just get it off your chest.
URSULA
I’ve never told anyone really…Okay. Well, Carla and I have been friends since we were like, babies.
LUKE
Wow, I don’t have any friends that go back that far.
URSULA
Yeah, we’ve been—we’ve pretty much been through it all together. I used to always go and play at her house when we were little. Her mom was this real June Cleaver type, always smiling, always baking, always wearing this green apron. Or was it blue? God, I can’t remember…I can’t believe I forgot. She wore it all the time. She was always making these really elaborate dishes—not like grilled cheese or macaroni, like the other moms. She made desserts that had chocolate swirls on them. And fruity drinks with whipped cream on top. She was always humming these show tunes…God, I could go on about her forever. Anyway, one day I’m over there and we’re watching…God, what was it, The Cosby Show? Something like that. And there’s just this—feeling. And the water’s running upstairs. She was taking a bath. It was the way it sounded, like when you leave something on the stove too long and it starts boiling over. The water was running and running…like it was never going to stop. And then there were footsteps, her dad’s footsteps, and then they were running, and…then there was this scream, like I’ve never heard a man scream before.
LUKE
She drowned herself in the bathtub? Her mom—did that? While you guys were watching TV?
URSULA
Oh, God. This was not my story to tell.
LUKE
That’s—I don’t know what to say. That’s terrible.
CARLA enters. She doesn’t pick up on how much the mood has changed.
CARLA
Uh, Ursula? Where is it?
URSULA
What do you mean? It’s not back there? It was on the sink, where you left it.
CARLA shakes her head no.
URSULA
Oh, shit.
LUKE
What’s going on? This is getting a little..
CARLA
A little what?
LUKE
I’m so sorry about your mom.
CARLA
WHAT?
LUKE
I mean—I…
CARLA
You TOLD him?
URSULA
I…I’m so sorry. I don’t know…I don’t know why I told him.
LUKE
Is that what—I mean, is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
CARLA
No.
Long pause.
CARLA
You know, sometimes I don’t even miss her. I mean, I’m used to not having her here. But sometimes…there are certain times when it would be really nice to have a mom around.
LUKE
Like now?
CARLA
Luke. I know we haven’t known each other that long. And I’m not going to hold it against you if you—
LUKE
What?
MOLLY yells out, offstage.
MOLLY
Oh my God, she’s pregnant!
CLAUDIA
(Offstage): Shh, Molly, keep your voice down!
MOLLY bursts on stage, pregnancy test in hand. She looks at CARLA.
MOLLY
You’re having Crazy Kit Kat Man’s child?
URSULA
Molly, this is—even for you, this is…
URSULA drags MOLLY offstage as MOLLY throws the home pregnancy test on the floor. The tests lands at LUKE’S feet. He picks it up.
LUKE
That’s positive, all right.
Long pause.
LUKE
I don’t quite know what to say. I’ve never been in this situation before.
CARLA
That makes two of us.
LUKE
What do you want to do?
CARLA
I don’t know.
LUKE
I’m not going to…
CARLA
What?
LUKE
I’m not going to flake out on you. I mean, we’re in this, together. Whatever we decide.
CARLA approaches LUKE and collapses into him, relieved.
CARLA
I was really hoping you’d say that.
CLAUDIA, SOPHIA, MOLLY, and URSULA hesitantly re-enter.
CLAUDIA
Is everything okay?
CARLA
Yeah.
CLAUDIA
Okay, that’s it. Enough hair cutting for today. We’re closing up shop. Molly, give me your keys.
MOLLY
Yeah, sure. Just a second.
MOLLY rummages through her purse and sees something that causes shock.
MOLLY
Oh…my…oh, shit.
URSULA
What?
MOLLY slowly looks up.
CLAUDIA
WHAT?
MOLLY looks at LUKE.
MOLLY
I’m so sorry. I mean, I am so, so sorry! I really thought…I am so sorry!
MOLLY pulls a Kit Kat bar out of her purse and sheepishly holds it up for everyone to see.
MOLLY
I guess that was your Kit Kat bar!
The act ends.
